18 Ways to be Aware of Your Accountability
In the matters of race
If you’re interested in becoming aware of how you can be accountable for treating people of color respectfully and equitably, please see the suggestions below to acknowledge what you have said or done, or what to avoid. You may find this list useful in order to prevent yourself from asking your friends or associates of color if what you’re doing or saying is okay. Out of consideration for them, do not put them in a position to be your barometer for determining the level at which you value others.
Realize that having a friend of color or dating someone of color doesn’t mean you can’t engage in discriminatory behavior and it doesn’t excuse you if you do engage in such behavior.
Know that an individual or group of people of color do not represent or speak for their entire race.
When sharing a story about someone, notice if you mention their race and if you do, does that person’s race have anything to do with the story?
Avoid bringing up ways you have witnessed racism to people of color. Realize that there are other topics you can discuss and they don’t need to keep being reminded of what they experience most often daily.
Recognize if you can find comfort in being around people who don’t look like you or don’t act/talk/think in ways that you are familiar with.
Understand that no one’s race makes us genetically predisposed for being pure or evil, inferior or superior. It’s a social construct. We human beings created a hierarchy and beliefs of others’ abilities. A person’s race has no correlation with an individual’s morality, intelligence, trustworthiness, or any other attributes used to determine someone’s value.
Be willing to be challenged in your believed innocence, authority, and centrality (the quality of being essential or of the greatest importance).
Know your truth is not universal.
Realize that no one should have to submit to your belief of being inherently deserving of racial comfort, such as having to adjust their speech and looks to what you deem presentable, professional, or normal in order to make you comfortable.
No one should have to hold their tongue when wanting to address racism in order to not rock the boat and keep you comfortable.
No one should have to hide or assimilate, i.e. suppress their cultural identity for you to be comfortable. We don’t need anyone’s permission to exist and we shouldn’t face consequences when showing up as our authentic selves with respect to our culture and heritage.
Avoid asking for ocular proof when your friend, colleague, or loved one shares their story of experiencing racism or what others experience in the form of oppression and discrimination. If you ask for statistical data and scholarly articulated facts to prove injustices are taking place, you're negating what they and others experience because you don't agree, believe, or understand they've had experiences. You're also diminishing and invalidating their pain. Consider if you need to be provided proof to convince you to care, instead, ask yourself why you don’t.
If you get defensive when someone is sharing how they’ve been marginalized, discriminated against, or oppressed, even though they are not talking about you, why? If you do not participate in emotionally, mentally, and physically attacking people of color, then why feel the need to defend yourself or make excuses for those who do? Are you thinking about what the information says about you and your sense of self? Are you assessing whether or not you agree with what they’re saying? Are you refusing to acknowledge privileges and entitlement behavior? Are you believing it’s not racism and that it’s actually socioeconomic status for the cause of unjust treatment while ignoring that people see skin color, not your bank account? Are you thinking about the other struggles people face regarding other facets of our identities? Are you thinking about your own hardships? Instead of evaluating their experience, comparing adversities, or assessing if you agree, listen with empathy, listen with the goal of understanding and focusing on their lived experience, and recognize how they feel. No one should be debating with anyone, especially a friend, that their life is being devalued and they are indeed experiencing inequities and injustices.
When your friend or colleague of color expresses ways you have offended them, don’t interpret accountability as an attack. See this exchange as a way to understand and use the information to build a more considerate and civil relationship.
If you want to be an activist, know that activism has many facets. It’s marching, signing petitions, volunteering with and/or making donations to organizations that support social justice.
Activism is voting. Be conscious of your vote for representatives that are disrupting or upholding the institutions of racism.
Activism is supporting businesses owned by people of color by purchasing products and services, leaving positive reviews, following them on social media, telling friends and associates about their company.
Activism is promoting equity, not equality so that everyone is given what they need to be successful.
What will you do to endorse and uphold respect, fair, and just treatment of people of color?